how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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