just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
