: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Life is so much better after having sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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