Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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