recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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