Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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