from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
