I think I died a long time ago.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
