We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
