Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
