i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
