Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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