At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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