he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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