Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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