so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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