my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
