the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize