if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
