I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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