We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
