Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
