I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
