She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
