i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
