I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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