she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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