OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize