tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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