Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And then my night got REAL pukey
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
