you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
