I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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