Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
