can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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