at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
