i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
