dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
