p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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