you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
