So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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