I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
