I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
