During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
