I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
