just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize