somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
