Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
