Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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