i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
