i jhust puked up my retainher.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
