shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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