Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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