he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize