I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
