i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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