I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
