a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
