I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
