Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
