I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
