I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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