There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
