I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize