yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
