I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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