you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
