Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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