Soap is not a condiment
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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