sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
