Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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