Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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